I’ve had an affinity for men outside of my race since I could remember. All my most major crushes and relationships were white men. I can’t really pinpoint where it started… maybe with Chip. Chip was a blonde-haired blue-eyed boy from kindergarten that would always put his red and blue mat right next to mine at nap time, and hold my hand as we slept. He would tell other classmates that I was his girlfriend. I would just smile and nod.
It could have been middle school. I hung out with a group of 6 white guys. We all clicked. This was my tom boy phase, and probably is still to this day is one of the best times of my life. I don’t think I was ever more myself, aside from family and how I am now.
High school is officially when I started dating. I had a relationship with one of those guy friends that only last 9 months outside of middle school. People laughed and picked on us and he couldn’t handle the pressure (should have been a sign). Even his family didn’t like us together. Yeah, we were young, but we really loved each other. Then, I tried dating in my race.
Two of them I went to church with, one of which even gave me a promise ring. And the other was too old for me. It didn’t matter to me that they didn’t work out. I felt so uncomfortable, and there seemed to be more pressure than there probably was. I was picked on a lot for being attracted to white men, from people at church and at school. I was trying to please those around me and it just felt… wrong.
After that, I got back with the boy from middle school and we dated for 3 years and broke up again due to more pressure, pressure from his family this time. I decided to leave that city asap. Eventually I moved to Charlotte, NC. I started dating again about a year later, but none of that was really serious, or at least not what I was looking for.
Finally, I put up an ad on Craigslist. I was tired of “just dating”. I wanted my forever man. I wrote out an ad, and my fiance answered. We had a deep and strong connection right away. As soon as we met in person, it was official. He liked that I was black… it was different to him and exotic, he always liked exotic. I guess he was exotic to me too in a way… because he wasn’t black.
I’m writing this for black women out there like me that want to give it a go, but are hesitant to do so. My advice is to always try it out because you never know what you’re missing… or not missing. I’m glad I dated men in my race. It ended up being a filter for what my preferences were. Nothing was wrong with them, I was attracted to them and everything, but my heart was never in it. It was a contrast to show me what I really wanted. So, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. There is always something to learn about yourself and your preferences.
Nowadays, interracial dating is a norm. Or at least I think so. I’m from the south, and I see it all the time. It’s usually old people that stop, stare, and scowl as we walk by (black and white old folks actually). So, I wouldn’t worry about that either… they’ll be dead soon. That’s cold, but it’s true. And, if nothing else, like the song goes, you can’t please everyone… so you’ve got to please yourself.
If you have any questions feel free to ask in the comments or send me an email through the contact form, I’ll be more than happy to answer.